Disappointing God

I am reminded today that we have an audience of One! God is the only person we are put on this earth to follow. He is the only one in the "audience" that matters. I was terribly disappointed today. Someone let me down. It hurts. I was reminded in my devotion time that God calls us to be content in all things. "So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content." 1 Tim. 6:8. I checked. My belly is full. I have nice clothes to wear. Why am I so devastated by someone letting me down?

We came to Rwanda to serve the poor and needy. We didn't know what it would look like exactly..and still don't. Things change everyday here. Now we have moved into a new house and have a new mission. To build a Mission Center: boarding school, church, medical center, community center....to serve God's poor and needy we have been called on this quest. Frankly, there are days when I think about living back in the comfortable U.S. with all the wealth and comforts that make life rather easy. But that is not what God has called Andria and I to do. So we remain faithful to what we sense God calling us to do. We have received many confirmations that we are on the right path. Could we be wrong. Sure!! We aren't perfect. But we will not waver from the path to which we feel called. Disappointment to me means little to God's kingdom. God is not disappointed. He knows true disappointment in the loss of his Son on the cross.

Can I survive this disappointment? Absolutely! Does it hurt today? Very much so! But I only look to the one I am following to continue to guide us as we live a life of allowing Christ's Spirit to use us as best we can. Being a Christ follower is messy! It isn't clean, clear cut or neat. The life I see Jesus calling me to has many unpleasantries. Jesus was rather barbaric when it came to the way he related to those around him. He was a social outcast. He bucked the Roman government. He led a rather "messy" life all the way up unto his death.

"To be fully alive requires knowing what you'd die for. Until you clarifiy that, life is motion without meaning." Rick Warren

What is it that is worth living for? A better question is first: what is it that I see worth dying for? I am called to die for the people of Rwanda. It breaks my heart that there is so much poverty and lack of good schooling. I am called to give up myself here in Rwanda so that maybe, just maybe, a few Rwandans will live a better life!